Industry Descends on The Gathering as Broadmoor Braces for Chaos

With The Gathering set to kick off tomorrow, hundreds of housing pros are pouring into The Broadmoor (after a 2-hour Uber ride from DIA) ready to network, opine on rates, and possibly overthrow the industry as we know it.

With a record 42% of attendees confirmed as consultants, Broadmoor staff are monitoring a rogue “Rebrand the Gathering” breakout forming near the fireplace, where attendees are reportedly charging $149 for Monday-morning omelet station strategy sessions.

On the influencer front, Greg Sher has already been spotted accidentally interviewing himself in the men’s room. “Really powerful stuff,” he whispered to a mirror, before issuing himself a cease-and-desist and posting a 9-minute recap.

Diego Sanchez delivered his opening reception session: “Trump is Awful, Rates Are Screwed, and So Are You - A Guided Breathing Exercise”

One attendee called it “the most uplifting panic attack I’ve ever had.” Audience members were handed tissues, CBD samples, and an adjustable-rate graph on their way out. Multiple sources confirmed it was the first mortgage session ever sponsored by Zoloft.

Mat Ishbia is not in attendance. A UWM spokesperson confirmed: “Mat’s focus is on getting even more involved with the Phoenix Suns. Already the most hands-on owner in league history, he’s currently planning another impulsive trade, a midseason coaching termination of our fourth newly hired head coach in less than three years, and potentially a courtside showdown rematch with Nikola Jokic.”

Bill Pulte arrived uninvited, believing The Gathering was a different event. Instead, he seized the microphone at the opening cocktail party to announce his own rogue summit: “The Vanishing - A One-Day Assault on Government Housing Agencies.”

Meanwhile, STRATMOR Group soft-launched a Tinder-style matchmaking app for struggling IMBs called “MergeMe.”

The pitch? "Tired of solo origination? Swipe left and MergeMe helps you find a partner who knows how to handle your volume. MergeMe helps you skip the small talk and get straight to the asset strip."

A surprise fireside session on “How to Remain Humble with 30,000 Followers” was canceled due to zero qualified speakers. The fire pit still hosted three consultants presenting to each other anyway.

More to come tomorrow as the first full day of sessions kicks off in the morning.